The meaning of the past
Junxu squinted her eyes and watched the sunlight stream over her head, lying loosely under the covers, as if it were a beautiful time in a past life. Even though she truly understood that one day she would face the loneliness of loss, and that people who take life lightly would be saddened by their longing for the relative warmth of happiness,
Baiyu gently placed Feng Qin in Junxu’s quilt, looked at Junxu with big eyes, and slowly placed his fingers on Junxu’s mask. After hesitating for a moment, he wanted to gently lift it up, but Junxu held him down, sighing
‘Don’t look.’
Baiyu’s gaze trembled, and he choked. Junxu’s long eyelashes flickered, and he looked at him gently
“Go rest, thank you… And… I’m sorry.’
Baiyu shook his head, turned around and walked away. Junxu frowned, gently took Feng Qin’s cold fingers, her heart ached, but she endured the pain and held herself up, looking down at him
Feng Qin’s eyebrows were very dark and neat, slanting into the sideburns. Feng Qin’s eyes were closed, as if he were resting, a black swallowtail butterfly, wings gathered and moist. Feng Qin’s nose was very straight, on which Jun Xu had once placed a devout kiss. Feng Qin’s lips were very thin, pursed tightly.
If Feng Qin were awake, the black pupils in his long eyes would shine with dazzling radiance, and his beautiful facial features would come alive with emotion because of her, taking on a charming upward curve.
Junxu’s red lips drew in a silent gasp, trembling, clenching her teeth tightly, tears falling drop by drop into Feng Qin’s long hair.
Feng Qin frowned, struggling awake, his face full of pain
‘Brother… hit me… kill me… I’m sorry… I like her… I can’t go back… hate me…”
Inside the tent, the gentle light slowly changed its hue, and the incense burner sent up a wisp of smoke. Junxu was lying on Feng Qin’s body, crying uncontrollably, her body twitching, but not making a sound.
It all started so vaguely, and yet, even in the face of such pain, she could not bring herself to wave goodbye.
Was it because his expression in the rain was so lonely, or because the wait while he silently bowed his head was so hopeless, or because the intense longing in every gaze seemed like a lighthouse, lighting up the fog of the night?
Is it because the sunlight casts the shadow of the golden sycamore leaves into your eyes and falls into my heart, or is it because the way you stand and eat noodles has allowed me to break through the cold illusion and touch the happiness in the world?
Junxu asked herself, more and more tears blurring her vision. In past lives and in this life, fate has always stood before her in the posture of a strong person, watching her slowly crumble.
In the darkness, she didn’t know which way to go, and she was at her lowest ebb. Junxu was not a cockroach that couldn’t be beaten.
After a long time, Feng Qin, who had been asleep, slowly opened her eyes. Her palm gently rested on Junxu’s back, enveloping her in warmth. It was like a little candle in hell.
The marshal never reappeared, and Jinglan, who held the marshal’s seal, was kept busy as a top in the military camp, along with Xiao Ran. At Junxu’s place, imperial edicts, family letters, and warning letters came one after another, casually piled on the table, mixed with military maps, in a chaotic mess.
Feng Qin sat next to Junxu and watched her lying on the bed, her eyes staring into the void. This was the fifth day since the day she cried. Junxu seemed to have gone crazy. She never got out of bed except when necessary, as if nestling in the bed would safely separate her from the world.
Feng Qin sighed. Although it was absolutely necessary to resist Qin Shenda, would such a Shenda still have the same value in the eyes of those in power as she once had? If things continued like this, how far would the calamity spread?
‘My lady, are you feeling better today?’
‘…
’Doctor Xiao, you’re becoming a military strategist, don’t you think that’s funny?‘
’…
‘General Jing has lost a lot of weight. Were you always this tired?‘
’…
‘I stewed chicken soup this morning, and it’s been stewing all morning. Can you have a sip?’
‘…
’The blisters on your mouth have gone, so it doesn’t hurt anymore.‘
’…
“Doctor Xiao and General Jing have been here several times. You should go meet them.’
‘…
Feng Qin took Junxu’s hand
‘Do you, do you hate me?’
Junxu’s eyes flickered, slowly falling on Feng Qin’s face. The starlight in her long eyes dimmed, causing her to frown
‘No’
The tent fell silent. Junxu closed her eyes, and after a long while, she turned her head to look Feng Qin straight in the eye
‘Don’t want anything else, just come with me, okay?”
Feng Qin’s hand tightened, and he looked straight at Jun Xu, his face full of struggle. Jun Xu just looked at him until the hope in Jun Xu’s eyes returned to silence. A wry smile rippled across Jun Xu’s lips, growing larger and larger, and a low laugh echoed in the air.
Feng Qin’s face was full of tears, and he covered his face with his hands. Jun Xu stopped laughing and said indifferently
‘Under heaven, all is the king’s land. With my holy decree in hand, I can go wherever I want. It was just a joke.’
‘Shen Da…’
Jun Xu closed his eyes, his mouth full of bitterness. My name is Jun Xu, Feng Qin.
On the sixth day, Jun Xu left the border. In the morning, the generals and soldiers looked at the man on the command platform and were a little surprised. That person had changed. He was more unrestrained than before. The person who used to sit upright was now slouched in the command chair, his eyes full of a cunning smile as he slowly scanned each of their faces. The low morale was slowly ignited by her.
After the scan, Jun Xu stood up and clapped his hands, full of energy
‘Everyone, it’s been a long time. How are you?‘
’….Good…‘
’I can’t hear you!‘
’Good! Good! Good!‘
’You’re all fine… I’m not fine, I’m suffocating!‘
The face of the Marquis of Wuyang, Chang Su, changed colour. He turned his head and looked at the person on the stage. Jun Xu was still standing straight. The soldiers below the stage looked hesitant. The generals of the Flying Tiger Battalion took the lead and responded